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As it pertains to relationships, I’ve always been a firm believer in wanting to take things slow. Why rush? Theres NO guarantee that it’ll work out, and there aren’t many differences in people for the most part. So if anything you’re just kinda rushing to find where you’re not compatible…

More so though..  I prefer to not rush, because if I (we) decide to be committed, I want to feel as if I’m able to give you the best relationship possible.  And I’m not talking about a Ferarri and lobster for dinner every night. Hell, I don’t even like lobster.  It’s just that I don’t wanna miss out on anything. I don’t want to miss out on the things that make you unique… I don’t believe in the “cookie cutter” approach to relationships, so I’m not going to do what’s popular.  Or what friends and family say is “the way”. I’m going to detail my actions to where it benefits you. Not what the going rate is. I’m going to learn your love language (as described by author Gary Chapman).  Again, if I rush I’m sure to stumble.  It’s going to happen.  You wouldn’t wear a diamond earring without a back on it, so you have to be just as careful with love.  It’s just as fragile.  So I’m going to take as much time as necessary to learn you… To understand you. To get you. To see if you and I can work, and how likely will the investment be worth it in the end.  Just being real..

Now if a slow mover like myself takes time, don’t look at it as they’re just not that into you.  Taking time is what you deserve.  I’m a worker when it comes to relationships.  Not saying every free moment I have foes into you, but it truly inlates my ego to know I can make someone happy..  And if it doesn’t workout in the end, fine. I would’ve done all I could to make you happy. Why? Because I again, I took my time to learn you..  And learn what you like, and learn what you love, and learn what you need.  Hell, I’m gonna invest so much time into learning you, that I’m gonna learn what YOU didn’t even know that you needed, and then I’m gonna provide THAT for you!!! Wait I feel like I’m ranting.. lol

Long story short… Take your time to learn them, and so that they can learn you in order to love properly.

unconditional_love_by_rawwrsammy-d415gak

Some argue that “Real love is unconditional. You don’t stop loving someone if you truly did in the first place…” I disagree. It doesn’t mean that the love you did claim to have at one point for another wasn’t authentic if it stops. Love’s a feeling/emotion, it can stop..  Whether good or bad, emotions can transcend.

Now in the Bible (not trying to offend anyone) there are numerous passages that state how God loves us.  How he cares for us, and no matter if we’re a saint or a sinner, he will continue to have that same love and admiration for us until the end of time.  And I agree ten fold!  But you see (wait, let me raise my umbrella real quick..  *I’m sorry Jesus*) I’m not in any way the man upstairs, my heart is not that perfect, and if you want my love it’s going to be for a REASON.  Reasons = conditions. My love is %100 conditional!

Now I may not necessarily even be cognizant of what it was about you that propelled me to fall for you in the first place.  Might be the amount of respect you give me, maybe the attentiveness you show me, the way you make me laugh, or just that special something about you that makes me look at you and wanna get my Color Purple on and say “Gal, I’ll drank yo baf water!” Hypothetically speaking of course..  But the point I’m making is, you just know it when I feel it..  It’s a very irrational feeling that can’t be explained by logical means.  I think we all have that story to a degree about significant of others of present and past.. You may not necessarily even be cognizant of what it was about that person that you were drawn to.  It’s an X-factor, you just know it.  It registers with us on some level.  That “something”, along with this person being who they are manifests into love.  Beautiful right?!  Yeah. Where was I?

So now the question is “Can you love them unconditionally?”  Yeah.. I guess it’s possible.  I personally feel it can only be done if the conditions that are necessary for your love to be GIVEN are always met.  Over time our love is defined differently.  What it took for you to love at age 12 might be different than 22, and 32 versus 22, and so on, and that’s ok..  You’re human!  The conditions that stimulate certain emotions within you are likely to change as you go through different seasons.  Now you might have a love for someone based on the loyalty you have for them, and through interaction you might develop a feeling of love that your own loyalty might not allow you to walk away from.  Not just romantic relationships, but gangs, military branches, Greek societies, sports teams, etc.

Now the next question is “Can this person you’re scalp over toes in love with do something that makes you say “Aw hell naw, I don’t love you anymore!”  HELL YEAH!!!  You can’t expect for someone to initially love you just because you’re present.  It takes something.  Sometimes as simple (hopefully always as simple) as you being yourself, but there are conditions available that will put a halt to your/their love.  Love is a feeling right?  Just like hate.. If you’re not providing the necessary catalyst to produce this feeling within them, love won’t be present.  Whether time has come into play, they did unthinkable disrespectful things to you, etc., it’s likely that the feeling will stop if it’s no longer justified.  And rightfully so.  I mean how valuable is your love if it’s just “GIVEN”?  But I digress…

love_hurts-normal

Hello class!  By a show of hands, who’s been in love before?  Now as a result of loving, who’s been hurt before?  “I see you, I see you, I see you (in my best preacher voice as he counts those lining up for special prayer)..”  You know why you got hurt?!  No, I don’t either.  Let’s just say it was life… LIFE HAPPENS.  Life has happened, and it will continue to..  On planet Earth where I kick it at, a bad break every once in a while just comes with the ropes.   Now how you respond to those bad breaks is what separates you from potential happiness in the future..  And theres really about only one response to this..  GET OVER IT!!!!!!!  If you’re going to date, and be involved with others you have to increase your skins thickness (what I like to call emotional stamina)..  If you can’t deal with the good and the bad (which are virtual certainties) then dating and all that may come with it just isn’t for you.  At least right now.  Love can provide you with the best feeling ever, or you might feel like you’ve been chin checked by an uppercut by a Cleveland bus driver!  Gives me chills just thinking about it… 

After being affected by the virus of heartbreak of sweet love gone sour, many people (myself included at one point) see this as an opportunity to now find a way excuse to protect themselves from this ever happening again.  Never having to feel the hurt after giving so much of yourself.  Simple equation right?!  You don’t feel = You don’t get hurt..  But it’s not that simple.  The feeling of hurt and heartache can only be experienced once you’ve allowed yourself to be emotionally accessible (vulnerable some might say) to the cool side of the pillow that love can bring.  But you can’t have both!  By all means… Don’t be ANYBODIES fool, but if you think you can’t co-exist with this person without guard, simply based on how bad it COULD BE if you love openly and honestly, then a relationship for you at this time just isn’t in the cards (with that person at least)…

In the end..  Loving  someone hard, a little, or even not at all has little to no bearing on how the recepient chooses to value it. Going in half assed in a relationship doesn’t protect you from possible hurt, because you haven’t offered anything that needs protecting (effort, trust, loyalty, understanding, commitment, etc.) But..  It can prevent the very thing you’ve searching for in the first place.  Love….

LoveAndBasketball

I love March.  I get nonstop NBA as well as NCAA basketball all month.  The professional games don’t exactly matter as much right now, but the college teams are out there playing for the respect of their schools name and the teams tournament hopes.  You see the hunger, the fight, the determination, to just survive.  Day in, day out.  Game in, game out.  It’s a beautiful time of year for any hoops fan…  But if there is one parallel that I find in both NBA and college basketball, is that you see what the team is made of when they’re losing and the game is out of hand. They start playing with such precision and technicality when they see the game and possibly their season slipping away.  (Be patient ladies I promise I’m going to get to the relationship part..)  It’s a nail biter and at this point it could go either way, but for the team who’s battling from behind, all I can say to myself is, “why did you wait until the game was nearly close to an end or nearly out of hand to start doing the small things you SHOULD’VE been doing all along?!” But this is where I find the parallel as it pertains to love and relationships…

In a relationship, you were always playing with the same team (yourself) and you always had the same opponent (not that your significant other is an enemy).  For the most part you’ve had the same capabilities, characteristics, and opportunities in a relationship to be the best YOU for that person..  As in a basketball game you’ve had the same skill set, strengths, and abilities to come out with a win.  So why should it take for the game to wind down to settle down and get your head in the game?  It’s down to the wire, and at the thought of losing… YOU PANIC!!!  At this point in a relationship you use very specific and strategic moves to keep their attention.  To win their respect again and give it one last try.  Often amazed by these new moves, the person who you’re trying to make amends with is thinking “where was all this when you should’ve been doing it all along fool?!!”  Just like coach..  When it was needed? And they’re exactly right! Where was the hustle effort before?

Long story short.  It shouldn’t have to come down to half court buzzer beater or last second heroics to save the relationship.  Now I understand that desperate times may call for desperate measures, and sometimes you don’t know just how much was on the line, and unfortunately it takes seeing things slip away to realize that going out and “winging it” isn’t always the best.  A game plan was needed.  Why?  Because no matter how confident in your abilities, there’s another team on the court that may be too advanced for what you take for granted is “enough” to win.  If you’re going to be in the game, give your all.  Even when you’re tired.  Study your opponent, give your all, and if you come up with a game plan from the beginning, you might not ever have to use the half court shot to get you into overtime..  Now get out there and play!

There is so much controversy over a topic that I see should be cut and dry…. Usage of the N word. I understand that if you hear something on film or in a song as being used as a term of endearment (e.g. homie, lover, friend) that it’s only but natural to accept it as ok. But this particular word (both “gga” and “gger“) is sooooo much more controversial that even some Black people don’t like to be referred to by it because of it’s historical value. WE even categorize others as being a *n bomb* based on their actions…. A few years back I believe the NAACP wanted to abolish the word. I personally don’t want to see it abolished. We don’t have much to call our own in this country, let us have that AT LEAST! I’m going to look at your intent on the usage of the word. And as backwards as it may be, I can only accept it from another Black person. Now in all fairness, if a word is acceptable by one, it should be acceptable by all. So I understand why it’s a double standard. But!!! The question that comes to my mind is…. Knowing the negative social consequences, the power that the word holds, and the possibility to be labeled as a racist that comes from it’s usage, “if you aren’t Black and/or racist, then why is is so important that you be able to say this word?!! Why do you want to use it so badly?!”

I like to compare the N bomb to the word bitch… Historically (and in a literal sense) it’s used to define a female dog. At some point in time it started being used in a negative connotation towards women. Some women use it amongst each other with their close and personal female friends (parallel). While there are some females who don’t want it to be used towards them by their female friends no matter if it was being used as a term of endearment (parallel). But almost every man knows that he cannot use the word towards a female without the expectation of negative back lash, whether it be a frown from the woman, or the proactive approach of her going to get her brother on you…. But because we (men) aren’t a part of that population, NEVER question “why can’t I use it, you use it all the time?”

Like I said, I can understand the plight of someone who isn’t African American if it’s around you in mass media all the time. Some of your favorite song lyrics might contain the word, and in that SMALL arena I don’t think that artist would have a problem with you using it if your purposes are to recite the song lyrics for your appreciation of the music… I can understand if a child doesn’t know better because, because I can truly see it being “just another word“… But once you’ve lived for a while you recognize what’s ok and what’s not, so why even push the bar? If it’s to fit in, stop it all together. If your objective is to disrespect, then you already know what time it is. There are even some Black people who allow non-Blacks to use the word like we do.  Thats another topic all together, because I swear I don’t understand them!!!  Anyway, it’s just not very safe. REGARDLESS of the way you used it, there are some rank and file Black people who will react first and question your motives later, because they feel STRONGLY about someone who isn’t part of the group using the word. 

I almost feel like there is almost too much equality in some peoples eyes.  The playing field might be getting too even.  So if a restriction is in place and that word is taken away, then it’s almost like losing their “Big Joker” (for my spades enthusiasts)..  If all else fails, theres something that can always be used as the ULTIMATE equalizer/reminder on who has the juice…  And God forbid that privilege be taken away.  But I digress…. My2Cents

I didn’t know she truly existed, because I had only heard of her in passing. Mythical almost. Strong yet gentle. Sweet, but the biggest bitch you’d ever know. Intoxicating. Dangerous. A live wire. Unpredictable. I was told to avoid her at all costs. She hurt so many of my friends and loved ones that it would make me a traitor to become acquainted. Crazy me. Even with warning I had to experience her for myself. How could a woman that was in such high demand be avoided like the plague by so many? But at this point I decided that no matter her bad side, I planned to plant my flag at her peak. Playing for keeps regardless of the bad name people give her on the street. Simply put, I’m whipped at the thought of her. In retrospect did i even have a choice? Her initials say it all. Ms. Linda Olivia Valerie Ellis…

Heat Index

Posted: October 2, 2012 in Uncategorized

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1 pulse, 2 hearts.  A fire is kindled.  Giving me fever that would boil a thermometers mercury.  A blazing inferno.  Burning lungs and cotton mouths.  Even opened flood gates can’t satisfy the dual thirst.  Sincere love making, yet lustful just for good measure.  An artistic interpretation of love in the flesh.  Two lovers in their flesh.  A tapestry of intertwined limbs and finger tips.  Contorted bodies mimicking Egyptian hieroglyphics.  Tears of joy escaping mascara filled eye lids leaving traces across cheek bones before falling upon 1,000 count sheets at the zenith of volcanic overflow.  The creation of an unparalleled image of bliss.  Surely to be the source of future distracting daytime memories.